Crystal blue water stretched to the horizon.
The sun beat down on the surfboard as 13-year-old Bethany Hamilton waited for the next perfect wave, arms resting casually on either side.
Suddenly, a silent predator struck. A flash of grey, a searing pain, and the chilling realization that her right arm was gone.
A shark attack, a nightmare made real. Rushed to the hospital, the world as Bethany knew it had vanished.
But what happened next defied all expectations.
Instead of succumbing to despair, Bethany displayed a resilience that stunned everyone around her. She focused not on what was lost, but on what was possible. As soon as she was cleared to get back in the water, she did. With sheer determination, she taught herself to surf again, adapting her technique, finding workarounds, and refusing to let tragedy define her.
I didn’t need easy. I just needed possible - Bethany Hamilton
Bethany Hamilton’s story1 is undeniably inspiring, a testament to the power of the human spirit. But beyond simple inspiration, there’s a deeper lesson to be learned.
How did she find the strength to face such unimaginable adversity with such grace and unwavering determination? While natural grit certainly played a role, Bethany’s approach unknowingly embodied principles that philosophers have been studying for centuries: the core tenets of Stoicism.
Stoicism defined
Stoicism, at its core, is a practical philosophy focused on living a virtuous and fulfilling life. It’s not about repressing emotions or becoming a Vulcan; it’s about understanding the nature of the world and our place within it, and developing the wisdom to respond to life’s challenges with equanimity. It’s a toolkit for building resilience and finding contentment, even amidst chaos.
A central tenet of Stoicism is the distinction between what we can control and what we cannot. We can’t control the weather, other people’s actions, or even the twists and turns of fate. But we can control our own thoughts, judgments, and actions. This understanding is crucial because, as the Stoics realized, much of our suffering stems not from external events themselves, but from our interpretation of those events.
Think of it this way: you have an “annoying roommate” that comes to bother you at random moments throughout the day. This roommate constantly chimes in with negative thoughts, anxieties, and worries.
- “What if you fail?”
- “What if they don’t like you?”
- “What if everything goes wrong?”
This roommate thrives on uncertainty and feasts on your fears, constantly reminding you of everything that could go wrong. It’s exhausting!
These intrusive thoughts, amplified by our anxieties and fears, can quickly spiral out of control. They lead to overthinking, rumination, and ultimately, unnecessary suffering. We become paralyzed by fear, unable to take action, and trapped in a cycle of negativity. We’re so busy fighting our internal “roommate” that we lose sight of the present moment and our ability to influence our circumstances.
So, how does Stoicism address this “annoying roommate” problem? It offers a powerful set of tools to manage and even silence these intrusive thoughts:
- Recognizing and Challenging Negative Judgments: Stoicism encourages us to examine the underlying assumptions behind our thoughts. Are they based on facts or on fear? Are we catastrophizing or exaggerating the situation?
- Focusing on What We Can Control: By shifting our attention from external events to our internal responses, we regain a sense of agency. We can’t stop the “annoying roommate” from talking, but we can choose not to listen.
- Practicing Mindfulness: Stoicism emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This helps us to disengage from the constant chatter of our minds and focus on what’s actually happening.
- Developing Virtue: Stoicism identifies four cardinal virtues: wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance. By striving to embody these virtues, we cultivate a sense of inner strength and resilience that can withstand even the most challenging circumstances.
By actively engaging with these Stoic principles, we can learn to manage our “annoying roommate,” reduce our suffering, and build a more resilient and fulfilling life. We can learn to respond to adversity with wisdom and courage, rather than being overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.
The Biggest Misconception About Stoicism
One of the most persistent and damaging misconceptions about Stoicism is that it advocates for emotional repression. You’ve probably heard the term “stoic” used to describe someone who’s unemotional, stiff, or even robotic. This is often referred to as “lowercase s” stoicism, and it’s a complete misrepresentation of what the philosophy is actually about.
The ancient Stoics weren’t advocating for a life devoid of feeling. They weren’t trying to turn themselves into automatons incapable of joy, love, or sadness. In fact, many were known for their cheerfulness! Instead, “Capital S” Stoicism encourages us to cultivate positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and contentment, while actively working to eliminate negative emotions like anger, anxiety, fear, envy, and resentment.
The key distinction lies in understanding the nature of emotions and how they impact our well-being. Stoicism recognizes that emotions are a natural part of the human experience, but that unchecked negative emotions can lead to irrational behavior, poor judgment, and ultimately, suffering.
Think of it like this: a fire can provide warmth and light, but if left uncontrolled, it can quickly become destructive. Similarly, emotions like joy and gratitude can enrich our lives, while emotions like anger and fear can consume us. Stoicism provides the tools to manage these “emotional fires,” allowing us to harness their positive energy while preventing them from spiraling out of control.
So, rather than suppressing emotions altogether, Stoicism teaches us to:
- Understand the Root Causes of Our Emotions: Why are we feeling this way? What are the underlying thoughts and beliefs that are triggering this emotion?
- Challenge Negative Thought Patterns: Are our thoughts based on reality or on distorted perceptions? Are we jumping to conclusions or catastrophizing the situation?
- Cultivate Virtue: By striving to live a virtuous life, we develop a sense of inner strength and resilience that makes us less susceptible to the sway of negative emotions.
- Practice Mindfulness: By being present in the moment, we can observe our emotions without judgment, allowing them to pass without overwhelming us.
In short, Stoicism isn’t about becoming emotionless; it’s about becoming emotionally intelligent. It’s about cultivating a balanced and resilient emotional landscape, where positive emotions flourish and negative emotions are managed effectively. It’s about living a life guided by reason and virtue, rather than being driven by the whims of our emotions. It’s about building a foundation of inner strength that allows us to face whatever life throws our way with equanimity and grace.
Taking Control of Your Reactions
We’ve established that our reactions to events often cause more suffering than the events themselves. But what does this look like in practice? Let’s explore two compelling examples: one from the realm of fiction and one from real life.
First, consider the movie “Groundhog Day.” Phil Connors, a cynical weatherman, finds himself trapped in a time loop, forced to relive the same day over and over again. Initially, Phil responds to his predicament with frustration, anger, and even reckless abandon. He indulges in selfish desires, breaks the law, and treats others with contempt. But guess what? His suffering only intensifies. He’s stuck in a self-made prison of negative reactions, reliving the same miserable day repeatedly.
The film’s brilliance lies in its depiction of Phil’s eventual transformation. He begins to realize that his response to the time loop is the key to breaking free. He starts to learn new skills, help others, and develop genuine connections.
He shifts his focus from self-pity to self-improvement. And as he changes his internal state, the external circumstances begin to shift as well. He finally escapes the time loop, not by changing the situation, but by changing himself.
“Groundhog Day” serves as a powerful allegory for the human condition. How many of us are trapped in our own “Groundhog Day” scenarios, repeating the same patterns of negative reactions and perpetuating our own suffering?
A lot of people actually haven’t figured it out that much of the suffering we experience is due to our response to the events of life. - William Irvine
Now, let’s turn to a real-life example: Neil Armstrong. Before becoming the first man on the moon, Armstrong faced numerous challenges, including a potentially fatal incident while training in a Lunar Landing Research Facility. During a training flight, the simulator malfunctioned, sending the craft spiraling out of control. Armstrong ejected just seconds before impact.
What’s remarkable is Armstrong’s response to the near-death experience. Instead of dwelling on the close call or succumbing to fear, he calmly filled out the required paperwork.
He downplayed the incident, stating simply, “Those are tippy things, and down it went.” He didn’t allow the event to shake his confidence or derail his mission. He moved forward with unwavering focus and determination.
Armstrong’s reaction is a perfect illustration of Stoic principles in action. He didn’t deny the seriousness of the situation, but he also didn’t allow it to consume him.
He accepted what had happened, learned from the experience, and moved on with purpose. He understood that dwelling on the negative would only hinder his progress and increase his suffering.
Both Phil Connors and Neil Armstrong demonstrate the profound impact of changing our response to adversity. By embracing Stoic principles, we can break free from the “Groundhog Day” cycle of negative reactions and navigate even the most challenging circumstances with resilience and grace. We can learn to focus on what we can control, accept what we cannot, and become the masters of our own minds.
Stoic Toolkit for a Stronger You: Practical Techniques
1) The Dichotomy of Control: Know What’s Yours
This is arguably the foundational principle of Stoicism. It involves clearly distinguishing between what you can control and what you can’t. You have absolute control over your values, your choices, and your actions. You have no control over external events like the weather, traffic jams, or other people’s opinions.
Then, there’s a middle ground – things you have some influence over. Think of preparing for a tennis match. You can’t control whether you win, but you can control your training, your diet, and your mental preparation. Focus your energy on these areas where you can make a difference.
Don’t spend your time thinking about things you have no control over, because you can’t control them. It’s a waste of time.
Direct your energy towards what you can influence, and you’ll find yourself feeling much more empowered.
2) Negative Visualization: Appreciate What You Have
This isn’t about being pessimistic; it’s about cultivating gratitude and preparing for the inevitable challenges of life. Take some time to imagine losing the things you value most: your job, your spouse, your health, your home. Visualize what it would be like to live without them.
This practice can help you appreciate what you have in the present moment and motivate you to take better care of the things you value. It also lessens the sting when setbacks inevitably occur, because you’ve already mentally prepared for the possibility of loss. It’ll leave you saying “Thank you for existing.” after imagining losing something valuable.
3) Stoic Training (Self-Denial): Build Emotional Resilience
Just as exposing children to a bit of dirt can strengthen their immune systems, voluntarily experiencing discomfort or deprivation can strengthen your emotional resilience. This isn’t about self-punishment; it’s about building mental toughness.
Someone who lives in a palace will be devastated by something small. Someone who’s always trying to do things that make him physically and emotionally uncomfortable will take challenges in stride.
Try taking a cold shower, fasting for a day, or going without social media for a week. These small acts of self-denial can make you more resilient in the face of bigger challenges.
4) Anchoring: Perspective is Everything
When faced with a difficult situation, compare your current circumstances to something significantly worse. This helps you gain perspective and appreciate what you do have.
For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many people found comfort in comparing their situation to historical events like the London Blitz. Suddenly, working from home and wearing a mask didn’t seem so bad compared to enduring nightly bombings.
You know, this isn’t so bad after all.
5) The “Stoic Test Game”: Reframe Challenges
When faced with a setback, imagine that it’s a test from the “Stoic gods” designed to make you stronger and more resilient. This framing can help you reframe a negative experience as a challenge to be overcome.
Instead of viewing the setback as a personal failure, see it as an opportunity to practice Stoic principles and develop your inner strength. Think, “This is a clever challenge, but I’m up for it, so bring it on.”
6) The Five-Second Rule: Nip Anger in the Bud
Anger can be a destructive emotion, clouding our judgment and leading to regrettable actions. Use the “Five-Second Rule” as a way to interrupt the anger response before it escalates.
When you feel anger rising, take five seconds to breathe deeply and consciously choose a different response. This brief pause can be enough to disrupt the emotional spiral and allow you to react with reason and composure.
7) The “Last Time” Meditation: Savor the Present
This technique encourages you to contemplate the fact that every experience is finite. Imagine that you will never again do something you are doing now – eat a certain food, visit a particular place, or even take out the trash.
This practice can help you to savor the present moment and appreciate the simple things in life.
There will be a last time you mow the lawn. There’s going to be a time when I’m in a nursing home somewhere, can’t mow the lawn, and if I reach that stage I’m going to be looking back on that moment of me out there pushing a lawnmower around and it’s going to count as ‘the good old days.‘
8) The Gap Theory of Happiness: Want What You Have
Happiness, according to this theory, is the difference between what you have and what you want. You can close this gap in two ways: by getting what you want, or by wanting what you already have.
Stoicism encourages the latter approach. “What you need to do is to learn how to want what you already have, because then there’s no gap to close. You’re already there.” Cultivate gratitude for what you have, rather than constantly striving for what you lack, and you’ll find yourself experiencing greater contentment and fulfillment.
Conclusion
Bethany Hamilton, Phil Connors, Neil Armstrong… what do they all have in common? They faced immense challenges and chose to respond with resilience, adaptability, and a focus on what they could control. Their stories, though unique, offer a glimpse into the power of Stoic principles in action.
As we’ve explored, Stoicism isn’t about suppressing emotions or living a joyless life. It’s about cultivating inner strength, managing negative thoughts, and developing a clear-eyed perspective that allows you to navigate the ups and downs of life with grace and wisdom. By embracing the Stoic toolkit, you can learn to break free from negative cycles, appreciate the present moment, and ultimately, become the master of your own mind.
So, are you ready to start building your own unbreakable character? The journey towards resilience and inner peace is a lifelong endeavor, and Stoicism provides a powerful framework for personal growth.
If you’re interested in exploring more ways to strengthen your character and live a more fulfilling life, be sure to check out our other articles on character development. Your path to resilience starts now.
